Monthly Archives: April 2014

4/3/2014 Session: “Well she’s going to have a vaginal infection after you…”

Present : everyone but Stan who was busy dodging tornados or something equally heroic

When we last left the party, Myles was under cover, posing as his greatest foe, Tyson Always who, as it turns out is the sheriff of Dahyrst.  Myles and the party agreed that they would meet at the most obvious bar in town sometime later that night to discuss their plan for snaring the Lords.


Myles rides along with the guards the party Shanghai’d a few hours before and enters the city.  As he passes the sentries posted at the entrance to town he sends his complement of men ahead.  Once they’re clearly out of eatshot he addresses the sentries and tells them that he had passed a ragtag party on the road a ways back and that they should allow them safe passage into town.  The guards scratch their heads and look a bit confused, but agree.

Their confusion over his order becomes clear when Myles enters the town and sees it filled with decorations for an upcoming festival.  Even late in the evening people of all sorts crowd the streets, many of whom are obviously out-of-towners.  Myles gives a look back at the still-confused guards but rides on into town.

Among the various streamers and fliers decorating the streets, Myles begins to notice the same, repetitive poster.  Upon closer inspection he finds that it features three intertwining hands and mentions joining the guard to protect Dahyrst from its enemies.  Looking around, he spots a man pasting the same poster on the wall across the street.

Also pictured, Tetra's smug ass.

Also pictured, Tetra’s smug ass.

As Myles approaches the man, he is able to see that the man is using the poster to cover a large word that has been scrawled on the wall in red paint, “WAR”.  [Through excellent roleplay] Myles is able to deduce from the man that the decorations are for the final Festival of the Three, and that the scrawlings are from an uprising against the Lords.  The man putting up posters is the first to ask Tyson/Myles if he has hit his head [but is not the last].

[Paul’s basic approach to RP’ing Tyson was to play the lovable buffoon, the “oh, I know that, I’m just joshin’ you, man!” type, or, when confronted as being wrong the, “Oh, psh, I was kidding!” kind of guy.]

"Hah, here I am, just joshin' you and you fell for it!"

“Hah, here I am, just joshin’ you and you fell for it!”

A young child approaches Myles and tells him that Tetra is waiting for him at the Keep gate.  Myles points down the road and says, “Oh, The KEEP, you mean the one that’s this way, right?”  When the boy corrects him he says, “Riiiiight, this street [which is the main street in town] always confuses me.  Thank you, be on your way!” and rides off into the dusk to confront whatever a Tetra is.

Approaching the gate, Myles finds Tetra to be a [rather impatient] town steward.  Tetra asks why Tyson/Myles has called another meeting with the Lords so soon after their meeting earlier the same day.  Tyson/Myles explains that his news is for the Lords’ ears only.  The steward begrudgingly shows him into the Keep.  In a large, vaulted chamber Tyson/Myles soon finds himself standing before three large tables laden with food.  Behind the tables sit a rather odd, if not well dressed, trio; a human female, a dwarf male and an elf male.

"Now With Added Assholes"(tm)

“Now With Added Assholes”(tm)

From his beating of Tyson he knows that these people are the lords of Dahyrst and [apparently] are agents of the Triumvirate.

The human female, Cordelia DeClaire sits nibbling on large snails.  The dwarf, Grun’wil Blackmaul, is shoveling ox tongue into his mouth with his bare hands and the elf, Aeri’ali House Lylith is eating what Myles can only describe as large oddly shaped beans.  [These would later be explained to be kidneys, gross, right?]

Pardoning himself for interrupting their “meal”, Tyson/Myles explains that he and “his men” had located the elf city deep within the woods to the South and that they were poised to make a final attack.  Tyson/Myles requests the Lords’ attendance at the battle so that they can see what a great job he’s doing but the Lords decline.  Tyson/Myles says, “This Bella has been such a thorn in your side, I figured you’d want to see her writhe under my boot before I put her out of your misery…” to which the dwarf boisterously agrees.  The other two seem less apt to attend a battle, but Tyson/Myles negotiates that once the “battle” is “over” he will call the Lords forth and they can “see” Bella as “justice” gets “done”.

Myles may or may not have actually performed the air quotes in front of the Lords...

Myles may or may not have actually performed the air quotes in front of the Lords…

Before he leaves, Tyson/Myles explains that, due to the expense of raising such a force on short notice, he will need an advance on his stipend.  The confused Lords say, “Well… you have access to the city treasury and armory, what more could you need?”  Tyson/Myles stammers out, “Uhhhhh, well, yea, of course I do, I just wanted to let you know before I made a sizable withdrawal…” as he quickly backs out of the room to avoid more suspicion.  After he leaves Cordelia questions whether or not he hit his head recently.


“Yea, I was just making sure that YOU knew that…. CORDELIA… Jeez, women, am I right?”

Back outside of town, the remainder of the party approaches Dahyrst.  Amon fruitlessly attempts to turn this adventure into a rom-com by asking Twila if she’d like to be his pretend wife in Dahyrst, “…you know, to help us blend in…”  Twila refuses noting his odd skin color [dat’sracist.gif] saying, “You don’t think YOU and I would look suspicious together??”  Amon scoffs and responds, “Well, I know you’re below the standards of my people, but none of them are around so I figured it’s okay…”  Before Twila can draw her blade to filet the wizard, Barundar scoots in and offers her his arm, which she accepts if only to snub Amon [leading to an exchange from which this synopsis gets its title].

Inside the city they travel to a bar nearest to the guard station and the inn and ask the barkeep for the “good stuff”.  Barundar, still coughing up clouds of glittering spores and unable to taste, moans into the mug of whitish [which is a sign of high quality] beer that the barkeeper offers him.  He drinks the ale anyway and, mysteriously, a wave of memories washes over him and he is almost able to recall with crystal clarity most moments of his entire life. [For whatever reason, this gives him advantage on all performance checks for 24 hours.]

Barundar officially trips balls for a few minutes as all of his memories play back at rapid speed.

Barundar officially trips balls for a few minutes as all of his memories play back at rapid speed.

After making small talk with the barkeeper, the party learns that the Festival of the Three is to commemorate the three Lords put in place by the Triumvirate after Dahyrst was “annexed” some months back.  The festivals essentially serve as a means of pacifying the city, but the barkeep notes in a hushed voice that a rebellion has been growing.

Barundar asks who the Lords of the city are and finds out that one is a member of the Blackmaul clan [his arch-rivals and the family that kicked his out of power].  Under his breath Barundar tells the party not to use his family name in town… [Luckily no one, not even Matt, remembered Barundar’s last name anyway, so it was all good.]

As Amon and Darius discuss Tyson [and their general distrust for authority figures, “if you know what I’m sayin’ ”] with the barkeep, Tyson/Myles finally shows up in the bar.  The barkeep asks him if he wants “the usual” which turns out to be a foul smelling, grey liquid.  Tyson/Myles looks at the slop in his cup and asks “…has this batch turned or something?  It smells a bit off.”  The barman scoffs and says deeply offended, “No, that’s the usual sour ale…” leaving Tyson/Myles to play it off by saying, “Uh, yea, of course it is, I meant that it didn’t smell sour enough” before quickly retreating to a table far from the bar where he is soon joined by his party members.

Sipping the drink, Myles’ eyes, ears, fingertips and tongue burn as he is granted advantage on all perception checks.  Darius’ crazy drink gives him advantage on intimidation checks [as if he needs it, right?] and Twila’s gives her advantage on all swimming abilities… [The party promptly orders a keg of this drink for Ash for no reason whatsoever.]  Amon states that, “Those dwarves that brew that slop don’t know how to harness the power of magic!” and sticks to normal alcohol.

The two groups fill each other in on the goings on as they get progressively more hammered off of crazy, magic dwarf beer.  Amon drunkenly jokes to Barundar that he will eventually be able to memorize 24 castings of the charm spell and that, “then, Twila will be mine forever!  …As long as you don’t want her…”  Barundar [doing the typical quiet scream that drunk people do so well] responds, “Why would I want her, take the bitch… I was just keeping her from cutting you in half, I don’t care about her!” It’s only then that the two realize that they’re separated at the table by Twila, and that she’s heard everything they’ve said.  She stands, walks across the table and marches straight out of the bar, middle fingers raised.


Eventually realizing that they need to make a plan for the next day, the group gets down to business.  Barundar and Darius decide to travel back to Bella’s village and arrange an ambush for the army of guards Tyson/Myles and Amon will amass.  Once that is done it’s decided the party will stage a battle on the plains to lure the Lords out and then spring a second ambush on them to capture them for transfer to [and presumed execution by] Bella.

The next morning, heads pounding and blurry eyed, the party sets about their plan.

Barundar and Darius arrange for the various ambushes [ambushi?] with Bella and the elves and Barundar negotiates to be allowed to kill Grun’wil Blackmaul himself.  Bella begrudgingly agrees as long as she still gets his body.

Meanwhile, in town, Tyson/Myles and Amon mobilize 300 [of 400 total for a town of 10,000+] of the strongest  guards in Dahyrst to attack the elves in the forest.  Stopping by the armory, they pick through racks upon racks of weapons before finding two shining gems in the lot.


+1 Longbow, +1 against constructs (+2 total) 

14 extraordinary +1 (but unidentified) arrows in a leather quarrel

The duo then heads to the treasury.  Unsure of how much gold to request, Tyson/Myles throws out a number, 1,000gp, as a request to the agent behind the desk.  Noting that this number is [apparently] way too high, Tyson/Myles says, “HAHAHAHA ohhhh I got you good, a THOUSAND gold, right?  Ohhh boy, that’s rich…  so, 450 is what I actually need, thank you!” hoping that his confident delivery will be enough to seal the deal.  The teller [shockingly] agrees and sends a few men with a chest full of gold to the guard tower.  Amon and Tyson/Myles hire a cart driver and escort the gold to the hidey-hole where they’ve stashed Ash and Tyson for safekeeping before returning to town to lead the guards on the attack.

"Oh wait, what, you're going to give me 450 gold? Okay... yes of course you are..."

“Oh wait, what, you’re going to give me 450 gold? Okay… yes of course you are…”


450gp!  90 ea.

After marking themselves with red cloth [Bloodz4lyfe] to prevent the elves from attacking them, Tyson/Myles and Amon lead the army of guards to the forest.  Once inside, Tyson/Myles instructs the men to strike off in different directions to take “small outposts” the elves have erected throughout the forest.  Hesitating for a moment, Myles realizes that he’s sending 300 men to their deaths.  A single tear forms on his eye beneath his mask, but he rationalizes that these men serve the Triumvirate and that they’re obviously on the move, what with the “annexation” of Dahyrst, so it serves them right!

Two hundred men are nearly instantly cut down by arrows from the canopy as the elves spring their traps.  Many of the final third are felled as well, but they manage to put up some resistance, killing a number of elves.

Take that, army of 0 level soldiers!

Take that, army of 0 level soldiers!

Barundar hops down from a tree and kills three of the final guards, and Tyson/Myles approaches saying, “OH NO, not my plan, gods above why has this fallen apart so?  My plan – the great Tyson Alway’s plan – has fallen apart, oh no, what shall I do?” as he pulls out the +1 longbow and  one of the magical arrows and locks eyes with the final guards.  The terrified men look to him for leadership, for explanation of why they’ve been ambushed, they look to him for protection – but he shoots them through the heads instead [with a crit].

The party quickly sets about the second part of their plan, dragging many of the guard’s arrow-riddled corpses back out of the forest and into the field to set up a mock battle.  The elves smear blood all over the place and lay in wait among the fallen bodies.  Bella descends from her lofty city and feigns defeat on the edge of the forest, kneeling before Barundar.  Myles sends his messenger boy back to summon the waiting Lords.

The blue is for "Bitch, surprise!  I'm not actually dead!"

The blue is for “Bitch, surprise! I’m not actually dead!”

Sometime later the Lords finally arrive with [Johnny Bravo-esqe meatshield] bodyguards in tow.  Myles meets them and leads them towards Bella.  As he approaches, the dwarf, Grun’wil Blackmaul, says, “I knew we’d get you one day…”  Unable to contain his rage, Barundar lashes out at his Blackmaul foe screaming, “I knew I’d find you, Blackmaul scum!” as he cuts him across the chest with both scimitars.

The ambush now completely botched, the elves are wildly confused as to whether or not that was “the signal” or not and some of them spring to their feet.  Luckily they are able to still surround the Lords and their bodyguards.

Bu.... but we had a plan...

Bu…. but we had a plan…

Myles throws his hands up in the air, curses Barundar, and runs up to attack the nearest Lord, Cordelia.  He faces off with her bodyguard and stabs him in the belly.  Barundar continues his assault on Grun’wil and Aeri’ali breaks down in tears out of fear and fuddles a Sanctuary spell.

Darius [having built a fort out of bodies to hide behind] steadies his bow and kills Cordelia’s bodyguard from across the field.


Grun’wil Blackmaul’s bodyguard attempts to attack Barundar but [biffs hard] slips on the wet grass and manages to place his neck directly in the path of one of the swinging scimitars.  His head lies disconnected from his body on the ground for a few moments before the dimwitted bodyguard realizes that he should be dead and expires.

Cordelia strikes at Myles with a bladed fan [which, if we can retcon, Myles wants to grab before we let Bella take her] as Amon finds Bella’s anti-magic field too great for a flurry of fiery bolts.  Myles retaliates against Cordelia’s fan attack and knocks her out, using his action surge [to get greedy…] he also attacks Aeri’ali , but the shifty elf throws him off balance and he ends up slinging his sword across the battlefield [after crit failing the attack].

[This first crit fail set off a chain reaction of crit fails that had potential to fuck everything up, but luckily we managed to salvage it…]

Grun’wil Blackmaul, bodyguardless and wounded, strikes at Barundar with his warhammer [but also crit fails!] sending his hammer flying across the field.

Barundar, eyes filled with bloodlust, takes a moment to laugh at his now unarmed opponent before attacking [and ALSO CRIT FAILING – it should be noted that he was standing next to Bella at the time… you know, the same Bella that has poisoned him with killer fungus and who we have forged a very weak, if not borderline hostile, treaty with… she literally holds Barundar’s life in his hands and he crit fails the attack right next to her… Thankfully, though, we leveled up and Matt took the Lucky feat, meaning he can reroll the attack with his final luck point]  Barundar manages to recover from a wildly inaccurate attack and  [critting – seriously, three 1’s in a row, then a 20… if it hadn’t worked out so perfectly we would have called shenannigans] finds that the blade he accidentally let fly lodged itself right into Grun’wil Blackmaul’s chest.

Aeri’ali attempts to flee past Myles, but the fighter manages to stomp on the elf’s flowing cape and punch him in the back of the head as he runs past.

Darius again locks onto a target, Barundar’s nearly mortally wounded dwarf quarry.  He locks eyes with Barundar and gives him a little wink [which prompts Matt to say, “Damien, if you kill him, Barundar will attack Darius…”] before swinging his crossbow towards Aeri’ali.  He lets the bolt fly but [for possibly the first time ever] he misses his target.

Grun’wil, bleeding profusely and severely injured wrenches the scimitar from his chest and scrambles to retrieve his warhammer.  Barundar wastes no time and shows no mercy, simultaneously scooping his scimitar off the ground and pouncing on his enemy from behind.  Barundar plunges one blade deep into his target’s leg causing him to fall backwards and reveal his neck.  The ranger grasps Blackmaul’s head, curses his family and uses his second blade to unceremoniously slit his throat.  Grun’wil’s body lifelessly slumps to the ground.


Aeri’ali finds himself alone and surrounded by enemies.  He falls to the ground and begs for mercy before Myles, who carries him and Cordelia under each arm forward to Bella.  “Here are your Lords, now heal my friend and go back to your forest.”

Bella Bloomthorn calls Barundar forward and, calling him a true friend of the forest, sucks the fungus out [heh] of the dwarf.  She and her men collect the Lords and disappear into the woods leaving the party alone on the field.

The party members each look around and realize that they are surrounded by the 300 corpses of the Dahyrst’s guards they mobilized [and basically murdered] in order to keep Tyson so that they could exchange him for a greater reward from Cletus back in Otemshire…  Compounding the fact that they’ve led to the death of 300 guards, they realize that they also likely stoked the flame of rebellion by leaving the city under-guarded, and that Dahyrst is likely to rebel against its now absent Triumvirate leaders.  “…At least they’ll blame Tyson for all of this.” Myles says to the group as they walk away.

...we might have gone a bit too far this time...

“So…… who’s going to explain this one to Ash?”

3/27/2014 Session: “So what’s your plan, Darius?” “…I don’t know…”

Missing: Cameron

At the end of last session, the party was attacked by a bunch of [anti-GM, eco-terrorists] elves.  Barundar ran off into the woods, hot on the trail of a fleeing elf.  As the finally caught up to the elf and pumped a crossbow bolt into his head, Barundar realized that he was deep in the middle of an elf settlement.  Dozens of elves appeared along vine bridges high above and shot arrows into the ground at his feet…


Barundar drops his crossbow, turns back the direction of the party and yells as loudly as possible, “I YIELD!!!!” [and learning from Renaldo’s mistakes he readies the Dodge action in case anyone shoots at him.]  A young, elven lady descends from a tree house in the canopy high above and snarls at Barundar.  She reaches the body of the slain elf,  places a hand on the corpse and the elf raises him the dead.


The female elf questions Barundar on his presence in the woods.  Barundar explains that he and his friends were attacked for no reason at they attempted to cross the river to Dahyrst.  The female explains that Barundar is misinformed and that he was trespassing on her lands.  Looking the dwarf over, she quickly realizes that Barundar is a trapper.  With a roll of her glowing eyes declares that he is “no doubt, quite a friend to the forest…”  She goes on to explain that there have been many reports of a specific dwarven hunter in the forests before… “Oh, really?  Weird…” Barundar says, his stony gaze meeting that of the elf as she circles around him in the clearing.

The elf spins around and Baundar is shocked to see a fungus growing on the back of her neck [gross, right?].  He is able to tell that this fungus is “darkcreeper”, a very poisonous and rare fungus of fey origin.  He knows that touching darkcreeper can cause illness, and ingesting it can be deadly.  As he ponders this fact, Barundar remembers that she had pulled a chunk of this material from her cloak and rubbed it on the dead elf before bringing him back to life.

She goes on to say that Barundar will be their “guest” and that for having killed her soldiers, he too will die – “a life for a life, after all.”  She [finally] introduces herself as High Queen Bella Bloomthorn.  Realizing that he’s in the company of royalty, Barundar curtsies.  Soldiers come forth and take his weapons, but he resists when they attempt to tie his hands.  Bella spins around and, raising a finger, shoots braided vines that bind the poor dwarf’s hands.  The soldiers walk Barundar through a maze of vine bridges and tree houses high in the canopy where he notices that spores of darkcreeper are er’rywhere…

I'd rather lick the floor in a motel than touch ANYTHING around here...

I’d rather lick the floor in a motel than touch ANYTHING around here…

Across the forest, still standing by the river, Qian Ban and Ash hear a faint cry from Barundar as he screams about “yielding”.  Myles doesn’t hear it, and, having just been attacked by elves for (seemingly) no reason, he doesn’t trust Qian Ban.  Darius says to trust him as he hops atop Winston and drives his mount forth into the woods.

[Damien jokes that Qian Ban points directly to the source of the noise, causing Nathan to say. “Well…. we all know he’s good at math.”  Damien explains that “Qian ban” in Chinese means “Stereotype”, everyone raffs.]

Ahhhh, everyone loves a good race-based joke.

Ahhhh, everyone loves a good race-based joke.

Twila [using her tits as divining rods or something…] and Qian Ban spot the elf and Barundar’s trail.  The party follows the trail through the forest until Twila tells everyone to stop and she points out the elf huts in the trees.  [She turns around to put up the standard “stop” signal, and finds Amon directly behind her, his face uncomfortably close to her ass.]  40-50’ ahead they see a number of elves guarding the huts from a vine-bridge.

Myles and Darius discuss a plan of attack to try to infiltrate the camp.  Myles wants to use himself, Ash and Twila as distractions to allow for Darius to sneak into the camp, but Darius is very against this idea [for some reason].

The party spent 10 minutes quietly yelling at each other about the plan...

The party spent 10 minutes quietly yelling at each other about the plan…

Barundar is escorted to a prison cell and vines reach down from the wall and grasp him.  Barundar grabs a bird from a nearby nest and tries to speak to the bird using his magic.  As he tries to cast the spell, it feels almost like the spell was stolen from his mouth.  As this happens, the fungus around him swells…

...maybe it's just happy to see him.

…maybe it’s just happy to see him.

Darius finally agrees to sneak into the encampment and takes Myles’ whistle in case he gets caught, so that “you guys can haul ass and save me…” Darius slips a bit while climbing the tree, but manages to get to the tree village.  At the top, he sees normal, fey life going on.  He sneaks into the nearest set of huts and, searching them quickly, finds a total of 46sp worth of good and coins.  To avoid getting too far from his friends, he turns back.


Loot:  45sp – 9sp/ea

With Darius safely back below, the group decides what to do next.  After much debate, they decide that Ash should represent them as they approach to talk to the elves.  Ash steps up and requests that they release their dwarven friend.  Unfortunately, the guard on the bridge is the same one that Barundar “killed” earlier who remembers Myles and Darius from the attack and he sounds the alarm.  He’s just about to shoot when Ash when Bella steps forward and tells them to stay their bows.

Ash represents the party well, laying on heavily about how they just cleansed the Badlands and spared “this beautiful forest – love what you’ve done with these houses and vines and stuff, it really looks cozy.” Bella ponders this for a moment before inviting two of the party into the compound to parlay.  Myles and Ash are escorted along the platforms above, deep into the compound as Darius sneaks his way behind the larger group.

Just look at that sneaky little rogue, all sneakin' around back there.

Just look at that sneaky little rogue, all sneakin’ around back there.

Bella agrees to release Barundar, but not until the party brings her what she’s looking for… The sheriff of Dahryst has been encroaching on their sacred lands, even burning their forests.  She demands that the Sheriff be brought back to her compound to stand justice.

She calls Barundar forth and she touches him with darkcreeper and it rapidly spreads throughout his entire body, even coming out when he breathes [!!].  Barundar exclaims “What have you done to me!?” spores accentuating every hard consonant.  Bella explains that she has, “blessed him with the spirit of this ancient forest… I can give you life, or take it away.”  She goes on to say, “You have three days, trapper scum, before you become a permanent fixture in tribute to nature.” as she points to a large pile of spores at the center of one of the platforms in the compound.  Myles and Ash are able to see many similar “tributes” throughout the tree-city.

Everyone gives Barundar a pretty wide berth from here on out...

You never know if this stuff is contagious…

Giving Barundar a wide berth, the party treks back to the ferry.  There they find the elves that they had killed are rapidly deteriorating into fungus.  Across the river he party can see a group of guards and a single, well-armed knight.

The party calls out to the ferryman who slowly makes his way across to their side of the river.  Myles tosses the ferryman a gold piece to help speed the process.

Safely across to the other side of the river, the party is approached by the guards who demand to know what happened across the river with the elves.  The party explains a bit about their run in with the elves and the guards tell them that they were about to go set fire to the forest and burn it down once and for all.  Barundar asks to speak with the leader.  A heavily armored man approaches on his horse.  From behind a full helmet the man introduces himself as the sheriff.  Myles can’t say for sure, but the sheriff’s voice sounds vaguely familiar.

"I can't quite put my finger on it...."

“I can’t quite put my finger on it….”

Barundar and Myles explain that they can lead the men directly to the elven compound, an idea that greatly intrigues the sheriff.  They request that he, AND ONLY HE, join them on the ferry to go back across the river.  The sheriff says that he really must go back to town to get more men, so the party travels along with them.  At a predetermined moment, [through the use of barely noticeable winks, nods and coughs] the party turns on the sheriff’s lackeys, knocking them out in one fell swoop.

With the guards dealt with, the party confronts the sheriff.  Barundar and Myles demand that the sheriff remove his helmet and provide his name… The sheriff removes his helmet and says behind a smug smirk, “Well… some people call me Tyson…”  Myles [continuing to prove that he’s a puss when confronting his enemies] goes to strike Tyson and misses completely, much to Tyson’s pleasure.

Look at that jutting jawline!  What a hunk.

Look at that jutting jawline! What a hunk.

The party binds the sheriff and Myles takes the opportunity to beat the shit out of him.

Barundar and Myles MIGHT be getting a bit carried away.

Barundar and Myles MIGHT be getting a bit carried away.

The group takes a break to discuss how they will return Tyson to the two different people that want his head.  Coming up with nothing, they decide to rouse Tyson to see if he’ll talk.  Tyson belligerently asks what their problem is, and Myles rips off his mask and says, “THIS is my problem you bastard!” Tyson laughs and says, “I knew you were one of us…” and goes on to explain that he’s run into a few other clones over the years and that, although he can’t explain it, he decided it was best to kill them.

Just look at his douche face...

Just look at his douche face…

Barundar and Myles take turns beating Tyson and demanding answers and eventually get fed up with his silence.  At one point, Barundar’s screaming showers Tyson with glittering spores, thoroughly disgusting the prisoner.  Ash sits dejectedly in the corner, reading a religious text and trying to ignore the fact that his party is torturing a captive man.  He prays for forgiveness of their sins, but is pretty sure that Myles and Barundar are getting closer to hell with every hit.

Darius takes over and plays good cop.  The halfling asks who hired Tyson to burn down the forest, Tyson explains that the three Lords of Dahyrst who allow him to do whatever he wants as long as he fulfills their wishes.  At the current moment, he goes on, their wishes are to expand South across the river, and the elven forest is standing in the way of that.  After a bit of coercion, Tyson explains that he has hundreds of troops at his disposal.  Myles interjects, “You mean at MY command!”  “They’d never believe you’re me, I am much better looking” Tyson responds.  “You mean… you were better looking…” Myles says through gritted teeth as he kicks Tyson in the face with his metal boot.


After a significant amount of discussion and planning, the party decides to attempt to negotiate with Bella by explaining that Tyson isn’t the root of her problem, but that we’ll need more time to capture the big fish.  They then intend to schedule a meeting [with Myles posing as Tyson] with the lords of Dahyrst to ambush them and then turn them into the elf queen for justice.

[Some of the rejected ideas included;

1) Handing over Tyson, having Barundar healed, then killing Bella and the elves

2) Traveling back to Otemshire, kidnapping Wilem and using him as a sacrifice for Bella]

The group stashes Tyson with Winston, Jack, Qian Ban and Amon as the remainder of the party returns to Bella.  Barundar explains the situation with Dahyrst and its Lords and Bella is receptive to the idea of changing her target.

Bella explains that Barundar is going through a rapid “transformation” but she isn’t sure that she’ll be able to reverse the transformation if it goes beyond 5 days.  She asks Barundar to step forward and she slows the fungus.  Barundar winces as she explains that the fungus is using him as a “host” and how, if the transformation completes, he will serve as an eternal power source for the forest.  She says it is an honor, but Barundar doesn’t seem to be that interested.

The group returns to Tyson and extracts [through waterboarding, which, again, Ash does his best to ignore] all of the information about the Lords of Dahyrst.  Myles then dons Tyson’s heavy armor and goes and unties the guards the party had subdued earlier.  He tells them [as Tyson] that he had single-handedly dealt with the “ruffians” that had attacked them before.  Setting out with them back to Dahyrst, he calls up his sergeant and says to him, “Sergeant, schedule a meeting with the Lords as soon as possible…  I have much business to discuss with them…”

The "great" city of Dahyrst.

The “great” city of Dahyrst.